[prabh]

(I am already down 3 pegs )

5 hic cheers and g'nite have an early start tomorrow

enjoy the weekend

[sparky]

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or the Americans.

On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or the Americans.

The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or the Americans.

The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or the Americans.

Conclusion: Eat and drink whatever you like. It's speaking English that kills you.

[sparky]

The 50-50-90 rule: Any-time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

[Saurabh Chatterjee]

Originally Posted by sparky

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or the Americans.

On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or the Americans.

The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or the Americans.

The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or the Americans.

Conclusion: Eat and drink whatever you like. It's speaking English that kills you.

This one is Hilarious!!!

[sparky]

Alleged dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee with a caller:

"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

"What sort of trouble?"

"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

"Went away?"

"They disappeared."

"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

"How do I tell?"

"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

"What's a sea-prompt?"

"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

"There isn't any cursor, I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

"What's a monitor?"

"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

"I don't know."

"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

".......Yes, it is."

"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

"No."

"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

".......Okay, here it is."

"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

"I can't reach."

"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

"No."

"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."

"Dark?"

"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

"Well, turn on the office light then."

"I can't."

"No? Why not?"

"Because there's a power outage."

"A power... A power outage? Ah, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

"Really? Is it that bad?"

"Yes, I'm afraid it is."

"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

[sparky]

How do you know you're talking to an extroverted statistician?

He's looking at YOUR shoes.

[sparky]

Q. What is the difference between government bonds and men?

A. Government bonds mature.

Ouch!

[netneanderthal]

Originally Posted by sparky

How do you know you're talking to an extroverted statistician?

He's looking at YOUR shoes.

ROTFL! that was funny!

[sparky]

The boss returned from lunch in a very good mood and called the whole office in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up.

Everybody, except one girl laughed uproariously.

"What's the matter?" grumbled the boss. "Haven't you got a sense of humour?"

"Oh yes, I have a sense of humour, but I don't have to laugh," she replied.

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>"I'm leaving Friday."

[sparky]

My boss came this morning and caught me hugging my secretary.

He said in a rage, "Is this what you get paid for ?"

I told him, "Nope! I do this for free."